Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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