If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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