drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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