he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my shit smells like andre
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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