imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
