Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
