Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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