so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
