What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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