if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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