If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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