He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
