hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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