Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
