Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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