STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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