ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
