When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
