My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
