Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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