There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
