On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
