Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
