if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
ok first of all what the fuck
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
