Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The power of my boobs compel you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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