The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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