peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Mom said you looked used
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
