textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
