I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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