i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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