you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
