Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
