Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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