i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
