Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
