if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
