that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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