Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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How external is "for external use only"?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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