Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
