Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
