You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
