i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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