the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
