here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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