I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
