Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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