Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
handjob tips. give me some.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
