And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
