My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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