I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
