dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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