I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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