I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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