My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
