saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
