Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
