I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
