woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize