I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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