You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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