I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
