I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
