I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
