I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
