Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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