We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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