So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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