Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
