im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
