does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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