We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
