yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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