At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
