the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
