is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize