so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize