Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
