do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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