dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
