I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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