So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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