I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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