Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

(301): View more from Maryland

OMG! Ew.

(240): View more from Maryland

Lucky Dad.

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(240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r

Replies (29) Good night (821) Bad night (2900)
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(802): View more from Vermont

that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight

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(802): that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight http://tfl.nu/exu9

Replies (73) Good night (1301) Bad night (2919)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.

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(662): When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis. http://tfl.nu/y0g4

Replies (10) Good night (2321) Bad night (831)
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(740): View more from Ohio

worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.

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(740): worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try. http://tfl.nu/d3im

Replies (38) Good night (661) Bad night (4375)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'

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(704): my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!' http://tfl.nu/sd3c

Replies (41) Good night (9502) Bad night (1192)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"

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(519): I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now" http://tfl.nu/0x96

Replies (12) Good night (4015) Bad night (1235)
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(925): View more from California

I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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(925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3

Replies (16) Good night (4376) Bad night (1198)
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(415): View more from California

Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

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(415): Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself. http://tfl.nu/x6rs

Replies (18) Good night (5579) Bad night (1076)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

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(+44): I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God http://tfl.nu/m4vw

Replies (3) Good night (2371) Bad night (852)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse

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(216): Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse http://tfl.nu/es8j

Replies (3) Good night (1401) Bad night (672)
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(805): View more from California

Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.

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(805): Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/kjws

Replies (4) Good night (1322) Bad night (653)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

How's the hangover?

(1-337): View more from Louisiana

I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.

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(337): How's the hangover? (1-337): I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should. http://tfl.nu/4fpy

Replies (1) Good night (873) Bad night (647)
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(360): View more from Washington

Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.

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(360): Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20. http://tfl.nu/482q

Replies (1) Good night (751) Bad night (338)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway

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(503): Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway http://tfl.nu/sill

Replies (0) Good night (534) Bad night (214)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober

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(908): my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober http://tfl.nu/iyhi

Replies (1) Good night (275) Bad night (272)

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