I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.