Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?