ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.