What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
