I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
