stop calling my apartment porn island.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize